Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy

3Sep/09Off

Class Up Your Exit

The hustle and bustle of business life can be tedious. All too frequently you may find yourself stuck in an office building beyond normal hours. In some cases, the building may be in "lock down" mode and several of the doors may not open from either the outside or inside due to high-powered electromagnets drawing in at the top. In such cases, you will not be trapped provided you remember to remain calm and, above all, remain Classy.

Approach the door as normal. Attempt to leave as you normally would. If the door does not open, push harder. If it still doesn't open, push even harder. If it still remains stubborn, turn and look curiously at the security guard. In some cases he/she may direct you to another door. However in some cases he/she may say:

"Oh, that door sticks. You need to push really hard on it."

To the Classy person this means run at top speed and thrust all of your weight into said door. The door will likely buckle, begin to open, then throw you back with a force equal to what you put into it. Yes, magnets are strong. Yes, physics are cool.

At this point, the door may be malformed. It may resemble something like the foil wrapper from that piece of Big Red you crumpled up post-chew.

A normal honest person would show the security guard the damage that had been caused and offered to make reparations however the owner saw fit.

However, for the Classy gent, there are options. Classy Lee suggests staring at the door perplexed. After all, you were just following the "expert's" advice (albeit an $8.35 /hr expert). Amidst your confused state, the security guard will likely come over to investigate and offer assistance. Customer service is one of his/her skills. When he/she approaches shrug while looking at him/her with a bewildered grin splashed across your face.

After several attempts to exit him/herself & further investigation, said "expert" will make the following observation:

"Oh my! The door is all bent and broken. No wonder it doesn't open. I am so sorry for this. You can just go out through the parking garage".

As you stroll Classily to the secondary egress, remember to stare down at the floor. There really is no need to let the security cameras have a Classy face to put with the escaping gorilla from just minutes prior.

9Aug/09Off

Make Your Tent Classy

Camping can be fun. But, dealing with the creepy crawlies of nature can be a burden. Classy Lee says: "The best way to handle insects in the wild is to invite them into your environment. After all, it is you that is the interloper in theirs".

This can be accomplished by simply leaving your tent door completely unzipped on warm days. The extra ventilation will not only purge that extra unneeded warmth but, it will also allow your new friends to share your domicile.

A clean tee-shirt will be an attractive delight to any six-legged passerby. Leave one crumpled on the floor of your tent. It will provide the softness, shelter, and security that most insects seek from the elements.

Being roommates is a tricky business, however. Undoubtedly, one or both of you will eventually get on the other's nerves. Maintain your Classiness by not attempting to reclaim the tee-shirt as your own. A conflict will likely develop.

For example, let's say your new roomy is a wasp. He is likely to take serious offense to your reneging on the accepted offer of 100% all natural cotton. In the event you do decide to recoup that which was once yours by adorning the tee-shirt, the wasp is likely to express his disdain in the form of the business end of his ass piercing the baby-soft tender epidermis of your back and injecting as much poison as his tiny body will allow. The sting you will feel is actually shame at the loss of your Classiness for going back on your original deal with the inferior creature.

Fortunately, Classiness is not just a state of mind. It is a state of being. Take back your Classiness by leaping to your feet in the 7'x7'x4' shelter and attempt a 45 meter sprint without leaving its confines.

All of nature will feel your Classiness as you bound by with your rain-fly and guy-lines flapping about like a papier-mâché dragon during the Chinese new year celebration wailing "OOOOOOOWWWWW! Something bit me!"

30Jun/09Off

How to class up an IM conversation

While partaking in an Instant Message conversation with a lady it is always important to do so with the utmost class.  Here at Classy Lee, we suggest being up front with your lady friend and let her know your new favorite thing is to receive "tasteful" pictures via text.  This is a great opening to the inevitable statement, "You should send me some pics".  If the answer is "OK", then you are in, but 9 times out of 10 the answer will be "NO".

To class this up a notch, one should offer an alternative solution, such as "Do you have any friends that will text me their pics?"  This is always a great place to start!