Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy


Classy Screwdriver Thief

In a previous position at my current place of employment, I used to work on computers. I kept a toolkit in my desk whenever I needed to replace hardware on a PC. In that toolkit was a blue-handled Phillips screwdriver with a slightly worn tip. I considered this screwdriver to be the most important tool in my kit, given that it was the most frequently used tool to service the computers for which I was responsible. One day my screwdriver went missing. I figured someone in the IT department must have borrowed it and never returned it. I wrote it off as a loss. It was just a cheap Chinese knockoff brand screwdriver, much unlike the good Craftsman products from Sears that do not wear out so easily. I realize that some Craftsman products are made in China now, but my good Craftsman screwdrivers were made by good old fashioned hardworking Americans (robot assembly lines), but I digress.

Fast forward 18 months.

I am at home one afternoon and happened to walk through Classy Lee's Burrow of Class, (this would normally be the living room but ended up being assimilated Borg-style and filled with random junk owned by Classy Lee, hence the name Classy Lee's Burrow of Class) and I stumbled upon my missing screwdriver. After I spent minutes grieving over the loss of my screwdriver many months ago, I come to find that Classy Lee took it from my desk without asking or telling me about it, took it home with him, did God knows what to it, and brought the tool he knowingly took from me to the same place of residence that we currently share, and expected me not to notice. When confronting him about it, Classy Lee simply responds, "I was going to gift wrap it for you."

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Classy Shoplifting

I stopped by the local bulk department store to pick up a few of my usual bulk items: cereal, waffles, large box of Goldfish, and granola bars. I typically purchase the Kashi granola bars because they are tasty, healthy, and actually made with somewhat real food. The bulk box contains four standard-sized boxes for quite a reasonable price. What a deal! However, I apparently missed a sign somewhere that said Kashi granola bars were free and one could open up the boxes and take a few bars without charge, only if said boxes are placed back on the shelves as if nothing was ever taken. I could have saved $7.50 given I found that sign. All of the freeloaders walking around taking free samples, eating cheap hot dogs, and putting their dirty mitts on the electronic merchandise probably thought I was such a sucker. In the end, the joke was certainly on me. When I came home and was unloading groceries I realized that the box of granola bars felt lighter than normal. On closer inspection I realized that the box had been opened. On even closer inspection I realized that some of the smaller boxes inside were opened and about half of the granola bars were missing. The classy thief was kind enough to leave two untouched boxes of dark chocolate coconut bars, which in my opinion are the best choice of the Kashi TLC granola bar product line.* In the end, I was not going to lose sleep over twelve granola bars, even though those sweet, tasty, and oh-so-satisfying-halfway-through-the-work-day concoctions of heaven would have been really nice to end up in my not-a-low-life-cheapskate-piece-of-trash hands instead of some jerk's who is probably ripping off more stores as we speak. Next time I will pay more attention to what I take off the shelves.

*I don't work for Kashi.

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