Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy


Interior Design Classed Up

Who doesn't like to have the interior of their home decorated? Let's face it, a few pictures on the wall, some plants or flowers, and a valance will bring needed warmth to your home and give visitors a reflection of the Classy person you are.

However, it is common to get bored with the same ole theme day after day. Classy Lee recommends seasonal decorating. Snowflakes and x-mas trees in Winter. Flowers in Spring and Summer, for example. And Autumn, well Autumn is the time that everything dies. Nothing happy about that. Dead leaves, hay bails, and crunchy brown cornstalks are neither appealing to look at on any level.

"What can I do to remedy this debacle of Fall Feng-Shui" you ask? The answer is simple. Just add a touch of Class.

Seek out decor that not only displays the season, but lets purveyors know that they entered a home of unbridled Classiness. These acorns are the perfect accent to your living room.

Perhaps the addition of a chrome pole?

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Classy Home Maintenance

There is nothing as enjoyable as the humid conditions of SE Michigan. The weather year round is perfect for giving your skin that subtle clammy feeling, your clothing the ability to ride to places normally unseen, and the necessary frizz to make even the smallest mullet (still very popular in MI) have the necessary body to say "Fuckin-A right I party".

Yet, for some reason there seems to be a collective of persons that do not seem to enjoy the fore-mentioned weather. Rather than revel in sticky goodness, they prefer to purchase and maintain costly air conditioning units. Clearly, they are the un-Classy. However, with a few simple instructions these folks too can become the coveted "Classy".

Sooner or later the A/C will break. Why? Because you live in an apartment complex. It is inevitable. Apartment management firms are the cheapest of the cheap. They even put The Itis to shame. (Sorry, Itis. Genetics are a bitch.) First of all, your A/C was probably originally rated to only cool a small pull-behind pop-up camper. Secondly, it has been broken before. A lot. Why? Because it was originally installed in 1966 when this was a cutting edge establishment full of white-collared professionals. Since then, your glorified box-fan has been torn down and reassembled with a myriad of non-OEM parts to include a garden hose, miles of duct tape, and 6.2 Kg of cotter pins.

How do I Class this system up you ask? Well, with it not being your automobile, adding 42 inch "dubs" and a kick -ass boom system won't do it. Instead, we at Classy Lee recommend the following:

1. Wait till the fan motor goes out. Won't be long. You can only repack motor bearings with vegetable shortening for so long.

2. When it does go, turn it down to 60 degrees so it continues to run all day sans air flowing through the evaporator coils.

3. Leave town for the weekend.

4. Call maintenance first thing Monday morning.

When (and if) the maintenance gent shows, he will be astounded to discover you Classiness in the form of a giant block of ice where your air intake used to be.

OPTIONAL: Stick a bottle of beer (brand is your choice) in there on day 1 or 2. It will become ensconced in ice and make the thawing process that much more exciting for your maintenance professional. If it is a brand he or she likes, then it may just get a laugh. Marty (Mrs. Grundle's maint prof.) thought that it was amusing. If not, then you will probably get the ole "Well, I need to order parts for this. They have not made this unit in over 40 years so, I need to special order them from Pakistan. Should be in around Halloween. Happy Memorial Day, fucker."

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Classy Marketing

The secret to any successful film is the merchandising behind it. Selling shirts, mugs, toys, video games, etc. will net millions of dollars to the shrewd business person.

Even in the case of a low-grossing film, the Classy entrepreneur can still pull in record profits if (A) you know your audience and (B) are willing to compromise any morals you may have to sell the same item to children, adult males, and perverse authors of observationally humorous blogs.

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Classy Art

Art comes in many forms. It is sometimes difficult to gain the artist's perspective. Fortunately, criticism also comes in many forms. Despite the 2 professions always being at odds, they do share a symbiotic relationship that is indispensable for the third party viewer to gain said insight.

In the following example, you can see how the two have related to each other in an effort to help the purveyor of the work. In this case yours truly. The artist (known here as the "Urinal Muralist") has arranged a timeless piece known as "Solitary on Chrome". For weeks this dramatic work sat only noticed by a few of the local patrons of the 4th floor museum.

Eventually, a local critic took notice and composed a retrospective of his interpretation of the piece. Having done so the rest of us finally were able to get a sense of the creator's ability to express his most inner feelings and an interpretative of what he wanted to instill in the rest of us.

To you both I offer thanks on behalf of those of us sans artistic talent or insight. After all, nothing is more Classy than art.

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Bass Guitar Meet Bathroom

No need to explain anything here...


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Classy Craft Hour

Nothing like a little public education to make our children the well-rounded members of society that we need them to become. But, in addition to academics, social skills and art skills must also be taught.

In the spirit of the holiday season, snowmen made out of gingerbread are the perfect project for the 5-year-old in your life. The ingredients are simple enough. The engineering & physical construction of snowmen is basic enough for any child. What could possibly go wrong?

I would like to say that I am proud to mention that the one standing on end was constructed by Grundle Jr.



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