Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy


Classy Communique

The public educational system has really become an outdated concept. It is not taken seriously by anyone. And, nothing relevant to today's fast paced lifestyle is even taught. The average $12K / year earner can easily pick up all of the necessary life-skills (or skillz) in his/her day-to-day life. This is evident in the following intercepted chat log. Please enjoy while I move my couch to the front porch to drink a 40 and contemplate the fabric of society.

Woman A (narrative):
"Here is the first message I got from her-she is so stupid."

Woman B:
"Calvin gona be mad i did dis but idc at dis point. Let me say i dnt have a
problem wit u im not startin drama im just askin u women 2 women after this ill
neva say nothing else 2 u. I hope i get an honest answer if i get one at all.
All i wana know honestly is wats da deal wit u n him? Cuz from da looks of it
yea. Im tried of our friends questioning me n i dnt got an answer i dnt wana
look n feel like a fool anymore. Sry 2 bother u i just need 2 know."

Woman A (Narrative):
"We went back and forth a few times....And then she told me she wasn’t dumb and I
lost it. I went off on her and called her a dumb bitch. She made up a bunch of
stuff & twisted everything around. She and Calvin got into a fight. He pushed her and grabbed her arm 1 time and
that was to defend himself because she hit him first."

Woman B:
"Ok i made him happy i left becuz he put his hands on me number of times n no i
aint gota explain myself but he had da choice 2 divorce me n he said now n u
cant be dat good cuz he alway was wit me n is now n alway will be if u was wit
him he cheated on u 2 cuz like i said we been sleepin 2gether da whole time n
hangin out n dats y we movin back in 2gether idc wat u think u dnt know da real
calvin i do. N dat y he tell me he love me n miss me everyday thank u so act
like u know shit. N u eva say sumthing like dat 2 me have balls 2 say it 2 my
face n then try n c wat kinda women i am he played u so dnt act like u sweet cuz
u really aint."


Disabled, Yet Classy

While visiting an unfamiliar area, it is always best to mingle with the locals. It will give you a sense of the lifestyle and allow you to meet new people and make new acquaintances.

As an interloper to an area, the natives may be somewhat standoffish towards you. Fortunately, you have the gift of Class on your side and breaking the ice will be simple:

Cheryl (addressing a blind person walking down the street):
"Hey! Why are you carrying that curtain rod and waving it all over the place?"


Classy Linguistics

Can you punch him in the grundle for me?

But I am Grundle.

Oh, one of my friend's wives said "I wanted to grundle punch him" the other day.
I laughed.


How about "fist" as a verb?

As in "I will fist-punch you in the anus"?
Said that to Jackie last night.
Then we got on this weird tangent of her being like a Muppet with my arm buried elbow deep in her rectum...

I'll allow it, if that's your thing.

You don't know love until you have had poopy-fist.

What's that cost on Michigan Ave.?

Crackhead or straight-up skank-ho?

You know, whatever.
Depends on if I have any rocks to trade.

$12.50 with 1 bump.

Well, I know what I'm doing after work.

You wanna just give me the $12.50 now?



Class Up a Question

When you gotta pee, you gotta pee. What happens if you are in a classy drinking establishment and do not know where the restrooms are located? You could walk around aimlessly searching but that would require effort. Think efficient. Who is the one person in the bar that would know exactly where the restrooms are - the bartender. Walk up the bartender and yell at the top of your lungs, "I gotta pee!"

The bartender will hear you loud and clear such that no words are lost in translation. Additionally, yelling asserts your dominance over anyone else that is planning to use the restroom at the same time you are. Therefore, the urinal is yours and you can go about your business.