Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy


Fan-Submitted Story: Classy Cat Lady

My cat was due for her annual checkup. Her name is ‘Squidward Tenticat’ - any SpongeBob fan would appreciate the creativity and sheer wittiness that went into her name. I still had the cardboard “I Love my Pet’ carrier from when I rescued her from the pet shelter last December. I finally went to the store to purchase a more classy pet carrier.  I got home and it took me nearly 20 minutes to put the thing together because the plastic pegs that went through the slots to hold the top and bottom together were larger than the openings for the pegs. After much foul language the project was completed and I was running late for the appointment. Then, for the life of me, I could not get Squidward into the new classy carrier so I ended up using the cardboard “I Love my Pet’ carrier anyways.

I arrive at the vet to have them ask me if I remembered to bring a fecal sample. No I didn’t. No one told me to bring one and it’s not a habit for me to carry poo around. I go into the room and Squidward now refuses to get out of the box. It’s not our first trip here obviously. As soon as I get her out of the box she poos on the table. Well, there’s your fecal sample.

Squidward has had a poky thing on her butt for a couple weeks now. The vet informs me it’s a plugged scent gland, similar to how a skunk sprays scent. After the vet unplugged it I could see the reasoning for the comparison. P.U. Along with the poo on the table, the unplugged scent gland, and the $116 vet bill, I thought my day couldn’t get any better.

I get back home and Squidward is not happy. She’s making the unhappy meow sound, so I go to the back room and pick her up and carry her to the living room. As soon as I get to the living room, she poo’s – it bounces off of me and onto the floor. Fantastic. After this chain of events I’m hungry. I go to Subway get my lunch "to go", go home to eat, blah blah blah. Later in the afternoon I put my hand in my hoody pocket and come across a squishy substance. Hmmm, I don’t remember having anything in my pocket. Oh, classy - it’s a lump of cat poo. I’ve been walking around with cat poo in my pocket for half of the day.


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