Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy

30Mar/11Off

Another Classy Date Conversation

Jenny:
Am I tight enough for you?

Grundle:
What do you mean exactly?

Jenny:
When you are in me, is it tight or can you tell I have had two kids?

Grundle:
Plenty tight. When I shove both of my hands inside your vag, I can't clap.

23Mar/11Off

Classy Littering

The other day I stopped at the local pharmacy near my house to pick up some vitamins and such. The particular vicinity of the pharmacy is in a rather nice part of the suburban Detroit area. I chose to live in this area because the crime was low, the homes were affordable, and there was a very noticeable lack of trashy "classy" people resident. I love writing about classy people, but I certainly do not want to live around them. I lived with Classy Lee himself for almost a year, so I already met my lifetime quota of class. Anyway, the area I live in is a nice middle class neighborhood with none of the riffraff of some of the downriver suburban communities. On this cold and blustery winter day in suburbia, I stumbled upon a classy looking fellow as I walked out of the store. This guy was wearing jean pants and a jean jacket, with a black baseball cap and a disheveled demeanor. He was standing still just outside of the entrance way blocking the door for approaching customers smoking a cigarette before entering the store. The classy looking female counterpart was already in the store chatting with the guy standing outside as the automatic door stayed open letting a cold rush of air in to the store.

As surprising as this may sound, some people actually go to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions and other drugs because they may be sick. During this cold and flu season, a lot of customers go the store to pick up the necessary items to treat their symptoms. It seems considerate for the man in the Canadian tuxedo to leave the door open to let cigarette smoke and cold air rush in to the store for all of the sick customers to enjoy as they buy their Vitamin C and Zinc supplements. This guy is reading pretty high on my "class" meter.

As I walked out the exit, the meter went off the charts. He flicks his still lit cigarette on to the ground and walks in to the store. The cigarette is still giving off smoke as it rolls in front of my feet, less than a meter away from a cigarette ashtray outside of the store. The guy could have put it out in the receptacle designed for post-cigarette-smoking events such as the one described, but he had to class it up and litter my town with his trashy classy disregard for anyone but himself.

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9Mar/11Off

Classy McDonalds

I love Michigan. I have lived here my entire life. There are a lot of great places to visit and the state has a very rich history. I recently visited a hidden gem of the state known as the Manistee National Forest to go backpacking (Grundle was there too), located on the northwest side of the lower peninsula. The forest is absolutely beautiful, but the locals around there are a little off. Perhaps growing up in a suburban environment has skewed my world view, but the people around this area make me feel extremely out of place. After leaving the trail Grundle and I were tired and very hungry from a long day of backpacking. We decided to stop at the one fine dining establishment in town - the McDonald's. I normally never eat fast food, especially McDonalds, but after burning close to 2500 calories from backpacking I would eat anything. We are sitting down enjoying our deliciously sugary Cokes, salty fries, and mediocre burgers as we soak in the local fare. Between the grizzled old men complaining to the cashiers about paying taxes for processed foods, the homely and overweight lady walking around wearing sweatpants too small with a torn t-shirt and hiking boots, and the group of hunters gathered around discussing their hate for minorities (probably), we notice a car parked outside that could rival the Classmaster GT.

A late model Mercury Grand Marquis happened to be stranded in a parking spot from a catastrophic front-driver-side suspension failure. I am no mechanic, but I do understand cars enough to know that these things just do not happen out of nowhere. There are usually warning signs that one's suspension is having issues, e.g. vibrations, rust, strange noises, poor alignment, and a rough ride. The strangest thing about this car was that it appeared to have been parked when the suspension failure occurred. There was no way this car could have been driven to McDonald's like this. The tire in-motion rubbing against the steel fender-well would have surely shredded the rubber, and the lack of steering alone would have made driving impossible. This car must have had a post-park suspension failure while the owner was in mid-chew of his McDouble.

Grundle and I watched through the window as the owner went out to inspect his car. He had a close resemblance to Chris Farley while wearing sweatpants and an over-sized NWO t-shirt (Oh man, remember the NWO? Remember 1997?). He was laying on the ground for a couple couple of minutes until he realized that he needed to find another ride quickly if he is to go home to watch reruns of Hollywood Hogan and the Wolfpac. In sheer confusion regarding what had happened to this 'Merican made luxury sedan, our local Macho Man Randy Savage hitched a ride with his female sweatpants counterpart.

Ladies and gentleman, I dub this car, the Classmaster LTD.

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2Mar/11Off

Interior Design Classed Up

Who doesn't like to have the interior of their home decorated? Let's face it, a few pictures on the wall, some plants or flowers, and a valance will bring needed warmth to your home and give visitors a reflection of the Classy person you are.

However, it is common to get bored with the same ole theme day after day. Classy Lee recommends seasonal decorating. Snowflakes and x-mas trees in Winter. Flowers in Spring and Summer, for example. And Autumn, well Autumn is the time that everything dies. Nothing happy about that. Dead leaves, hay bails, and crunchy brown cornstalks are neither appealing to look at on any level.

"What can I do to remedy this debacle of Fall Feng-Shui" you ask? The answer is simple. Just add a touch of Class.

Seek out decor that not only displays the season, but lets purveyors know that they entered a home of unbridled Classiness. These acorns are the perfect accent to your living room.

Perhaps the addition of a chrome pole?

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