Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy

17Sep/10Off

Classy Home Maintenance

There is nothing as enjoyable as the humid conditions of SE Michigan. The weather year round is perfect for giving your skin that subtle clammy feeling, your clothing the ability to ride to places normally unseen, and the necessary frizz to make even the smallest mullet (still very popular in MI) have the necessary body to say "Fuckin-A right I party".

Yet, for some reason there seems to be a collective of persons that do not seem to enjoy the fore-mentioned weather. Rather than revel in sticky goodness, they prefer to purchase and maintain costly air conditioning units. Clearly, they are the un-Classy. However, with a few simple instructions these folks too can become the coveted "Classy".

Sooner or later the A/C will break. Why? Because you live in an apartment complex. It is inevitable. Apartment management firms are the cheapest of the cheap. They even put The Itis to shame. (Sorry, Itis. Genetics are a bitch.) First of all, your A/C was probably originally rated to only cool a small pull-behind pop-up camper. Secondly, it has been broken before. A lot. Why? Because it was originally installed in 1966 when this was a cutting edge establishment full of white-collared professionals. Since then, your glorified box-fan has been torn down and reassembled with a myriad of non-OEM parts to include a garden hose, miles of duct tape, and 6.2 Kg of cotter pins.

How do I Class this system up you ask? Well, with it not being your automobile, adding 42 inch "dubs" and a kick -ass boom system won't do it. Instead, we at Classy Lee recommend the following:

1. Wait till the fan motor goes out. Won't be long. You can only repack motor bearings with vegetable shortening for so long.

2. When it does go, turn it down to 60 degrees so it continues to run all day sans air flowing through the evaporator coils.

3. Leave town for the weekend.

4. Call maintenance first thing Monday morning.

When (and if) the maintenance gent shows, he will be astounded to discover you Classiness in the form of a giant block of ice where your air intake used to be.

OPTIONAL: Stick a bottle of beer (brand is your choice) in there on day 1 or 2. It will become ensconced in ice and make the thawing process that much more exciting for your maintenance professional. If it is a brand he or she likes, then it may just get a laugh. Marty (Mrs. Grundle's maint prof.) thought that it was amusing. If not, then you will probably get the ole "Well, I need to order parts for this. They have not made this unit in over 40 years so, I need to special order them from Pakistan. Should be in around Halloween. Happy Memorial Day, fucker."

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