Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy

29Jan/10Off

Fan-Submitted Story: Classy Joe Louis Arena Bathroom

If you have never had the pleasure of seeing a hockey game at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit you no idea what you are missing! The smell of bratwursts, the ice cold breeze coming off the ice as the players warm up ... wonderful. However, nothing tops the class you see the moment you turn around the concrete wall of the men's room at the Joe! I can still vividly remember going to my first hockey game with my father and standing in line during intermission to use the piss-trough. For the lovely ladies who have never had the pleasure of seeing and/or never understanding the joy of even using piss-trough, it is quite a treat. As a man I would rank it exactly like giving birth just with a bit less chunky matter.   Spending upwards of $50 a seat and pissing away your $7+ beer into a bathtub with six total strangers is the utmost of classiness. I can't think of anything more fancy than being the lucky one to find the spot in front of the drain. There is not a more heavenly experience of pissing into a bath tub with six men and sharing your classic evening at your next church gathering. Father O'Malley would just love to go to a game with you now, and you never knew he was a hockey fan! The effervescent odor of countless men's musky liquid all mixing in the medley of yellow swirl just a few feet from your own nose = Class

- "Dr Bukkaki"

Tagged as: 1 Comment
27Jan/10Off

Classy E-Mail About Roommates

From: The Itis
To: Classy Lee; Danger
Sent: Tue Jan 26 08:42:10 2010
Subject: House

Just so you guys know, I’m going to start looking for houses on Saturday. I plan on being out of our place no later than the end of April, but if I find a house I really like it will be sooner. I wanted to give you a heads-up in advance. I don’t know if our landlord would want you to get another roommate right away.

From: Danger
Sent: Tuesday, January 26, 2010 9:40 AM
To: The Itis; Classy Lee
Subject: Re: House

If you have any suggestions for hot female roomies please let us know. Here are some guidelines:

1. Must be willing to cook

2. Must be willing to clean

3. Must be under 140 pounds

4. Must be willing to drink heavily and "see where things go"

From: The Itis
To: Danger; Classy Lee
Sent: Tue Jan 26 09:41:31 2010
Subject: RE: House

You are asking for a lot. Lower your standards.

From: Danger
Sent: Tuesday, January 26, 2010 9:43 AM
To: The Itis; Classy Lee
Subject: Re: House

Son of a bitch. 1 and 2 are negotiable but I will NOT change my mind on 3 and 4.

From: The Itis
To: Danger; Classy Lee
Sent: Tue Jan 26 09:43:48 2010
Subject: RE: House

Better start looking now. Try Craigslist.

From: Danger
Sent: Tuesday, January 26, 2010 9:46 AM
To: The Itis; Classy Lee
Subject: Re: House

I am actually thinking about posting that exact add in craigslist. Just to see if we get replies.

From: The Itis
To: Danger; Classy Lee
Sent: Tue Jan 26 09:46:52 2010
Subject: RE: House

You will have serial killers replying.

From: Danger
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 2010 09:47:44 -0500
To: The Itis; Classy Lee
Subject: Re: House

Classy Lee can take over the screening process.

From: Classy Lee
To: Danger; The Itis
Sent: Tue Jan 26 10:03:02 2010
Subject: Re: House

We’re as good as “dead”.

Tagged as: 1 Comment
25Jan/10Off

Classy Priorities

Drinking can be fun.  Wait.  Drinking IS fun!  At the end of a solid night of partying and boozing it is important to get all of your priorities in line.

1)  Make sure to get some food - the preferred "restaurant" is ALWAYS Taco Bell.

2)  Now pick a nice cozy spot to lay your head ...  the floor will do.

3)  Make sure your phone is nearby (for all those late night texts).

Now inhale your food, lay down and pass out with both your phone and evidence of your taco feast on top of you.  This is the scene of a good night!

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22Jan/10Off

Classy Sandwich Chef

Some co-workers of mine stopped at a local chain sandwich shop during lunch. While one of them was ordering, the sandwich guy asked, "What would you like on your sandwich?". He replied, "Everything but pickles." The sandwich guy replies, "Hehe, butt pickles."

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20Jan/10Off

Classy Airplane Flight

In previous posts here we made mention that Class is often an inherited trait.  If you pay attention close enough you will notice that your parents are just as classy in their own way.  This is an example of such class.

The Danger family has recently boarded a plane headed down south.  Before we could take off, the plane needed to go through de-icing.  If you have been on a plane during this process you will know the air needs to be turned off.  While this is turned off there is no air circulating through the cabin and it can get quite stale and stuffy.

All of a sudden a horrendous smell starts to creep up your nose and you know someone let one rip!  At the very worst time, someone has let a bit of poo gas creep out of their ass!

Once I came to and started to look around I realized the culprit was Momma Danger!  I confronted her about it and instead of owning up to the bomb from hell, she blamed it on the 5 year old kid sitting in front of her.  Now that is class!

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18Jan/10Off

Classy Bathroom Propositioning

What is one of the best places in the world to create or have a classy encounter?  The answer to this is a men's restroom at the bar, specifically at a "dive" bar - you know, the kind that has all sorts of classy writing on the wall such as "Bill sucks balls" or "For a good time call..."

In the not too distant past in a rest room in the classy community of Riverview, one of my friend's Andrew had a run-in with one of Downriver's finest personalities while "draining the weasel" in the stall. The conversation went something similar to this:

Guy peeing at the urinal: Hey, how's it going over there?

Andrew: Uhhh, OK.

Guy peeing at the urinal: So, you feel like playing swords?

Andrew: Uhh, not really. Not in the mood tonight.

Guy peeing at the urinal: Well, that's OK. Sometimes my son and I play swords. He thinks its fun.

Andrew: .........

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15Jan/10Off

Muskrat Jack

Losing hair is just a natural part of life for most men.  ONe can approach it in one of three ways: Rock the "Bozo the Clown" look with dignity, shave one's head, or purchase a toupee.   We suggest that if you do decide a "rug" is for you, make sure the color is spot on and the look is seamless.

Recently at a local bar we ran into someone that purchased their new "rug" from a local Walmart Supercenter.  These fine hair pieces are taken from natural Michigan squirrel and muskrats so you know its quality is superb.

In a sly attempt to capture a picture of Muskrat Jack we were caught!  The picture attempt and the laughing that ensued did not sit well and we had to leave.

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13Jan/10Off

Classy Philanthropy

As men we tend to have voracious appetites for sex. Unfortunately, our significant others are not always available or willing to tend to these needs. Fortunately there are alternative avenues.

Modern technology will always prevail in the realm of sexual pleasure. With the availability of Internet porn and sex toys, one really no longer needs to have a partner.

Now, some spouses, boyfriends, or girlfriends may not be so tolerant of such self gratifying behavior. This is where you must act like a ninja and go stealth. Not such a difficult feat. If your porn collection is 100% digital, it can easily be stashed in an un-suspiciously named folder on your hard drive. Toys can be a bigger problem however as they are tangible. Variety being the spice of life, you may have more than one pocket pussy for pleasuring yourself.

The best hiding places are out of the way spots that are not well traveled or searched. Perhaps you have a large pile of old items from your youth that you no longer use or need. Perhaps they are all piled up in a distant corner of your basement. Perhaps there is an old duffel bag containing your wife's figure skates from when she was a little girl. This may be the perfect receptacle for your instruments of penile stimulation. No one will come looking for it & it zips closed so if someone is digging through the pile there is no chance of the bag falling over and spilling your contraband.

Both problems solved. Let the festivities begin!

Dave:
"Hey, what happened to that pile of stuff in the basement?"

Dave's wife:
"I got rid of it."

Dave:
"Even your figure skates? You threw them out?"

Dave's wife:
"No. I donated those to the Salvation Army."

Your Classiness will be truly revealed when some unsuspecting young girl asks her parents how to install the silicone blade guards that were in the bag with her new skates.

11Jan/10Off

Classy Search Phrases

Every month I take a look at a list of statistics relating to Classylee.com's website usage. This includes information regarding the amount of visitors per month, types of browsers used, and even search phrases that led people to the site. Lately I have been noticing an increasing trend of "classy" search phrases that led some really sick, perverted, and/or twisted people to this site. Every so often I will share one of these phrases for your enjoyment. I will be sure to post these in an image format so Google does not index our site based on these keywords and attract even more perverts.

Here's the first to start:

8Jan/10Off

Mr. Belvedere’s 1/2 Marathon

Here at ClassyLee.com some of us believe in fitness ... well, two of us.  With that said we would like to introduce Mr. Belvedere.  This fine gentleman will start to post some classy stories soon but is currently busy running a 1/2 Marathon in Orlando, FL.

That's right, ClassyLee.com will be sponsoring Mr. Belvedere during his very first 1/2 Marathon!  He will be wearing a T-shirt that features our new logo!

Now you may be asking, "Why just a 1/2 marathon?"  This is because he drinks and the liquor gets in the way of his training.

If you are interested in being sponsored by ClassyLee.com, drop us a line at Sponsorship@ClassyLee.com

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