Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy


Classy Comment for the Ladies

All to often somewhat meaningless comments can be switched into a sexual reference or joke when drinking with friends.  This is a common event when a group of males get together.  Often things said are so off color that they should never be repeated in public.  However, when you bring together several classy males and a few females, the filter goes away.  Ladies, I already apologize...

During a fierce game of beer pong, some heated exchanges started to take place.  In order to preserve their innocence, I will completely change the names of those involved.

Just as Mason sunk a great shot he yelled across the table to Handy, "You should have pulled it out!"

Handy replies with, "Yea, that's what they always say to me!"

Giggles ensue...

Then out of nowhere Handy fires back with, "And then I say, 'HEY YOU GO TAKE A PILL!!' "

Jaws dropped and no one quite knew what to say.  The ladies during this gathering were flabbergasted.  Now that is class...

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Disabled, Yet Classy

While visiting an unfamiliar area, it is always best to mingle with the locals. It will give you a sense of the lifestyle and allow you to meet new people and make new acquaintances.

As an interloper to an area, the natives may be somewhat standoffish towards you. Fortunately, you have the gift of Class on your side and breaking the ice will be simple:

Cheryl (addressing a blind person walking down the street):
"Hey! Why are you carrying that curtain rod and waving it all over the place?"


Merry Christmas from Sourdough Joe

Merry Christmas You Pussies


Sensitive & Classy

As you may already be aware, the good folks at Classy Lee are huge fans of physical fitness. In fact, the majority of the team enjoys some pretty demanding activities such as backpacking, mountain climbing, marathon running, marathon drinking, and ice hockey.

Speaking of the latter, yours truly was playing net the other night when I had a particularly compassionate moment. Or as I call it - Classy.

After a wicked hit by one of my own defense-men, an opposing player crumpled to the ice and began making wails akin to the sounds made by Chewbacca the Wookie. At the same time, my team centred the puck and had a great scoring chance. The ref blew the whistle due to the injury before the shot could be made.

"What the fuck, ref? You just fucked our scoring chance! That guy would still be injured after the play was halted naturally! That's bullshit!"

As it turns out, the player suffered a broken collar bone and it was sticking out of his flesh under his shoulder pads. He seemed to find it painful. Hence the Wookie noises. Now, over the years I have suffered some pretty major injuries on the ice. Torn rotator cuff, abdominal tear, torn ligaments, broken arm, torn knee, separated shoulder, broken toes, fractures to hands and ankles, and a shattered tibia just to highlight a few. With the exception of the latter, I did my 3 - 5 minutes of grunting and rolling around like a turtle on its back, manned-up, and got right back in the game, finished, went home and got drunk, patched my wounds in the morning, then went to the E.R. 30 days later when the injury still hurt for some strange reason. This is simply what I consider courtesy.

After 10 minutes of listening to crying and watching our "victim" sit static where he fell, our hero (me) began to cool off. Not good for a goalie.

Being the caring and Classy person that I am, I countered the gnu like wailing with:

"Your fucking legs are still working, right? Get the fuck off the ice so I can finish game, go home, and get some pussy! Go cry in the locker room, for fuck-sake!"

I am happy to report that he did finally pull up his skirt, scoot on his ass (pathetic IMO) to the door, and made his way to the ER.

Now the bad news. We lost the fucking game. I would blame it on my defense but, I never saw those assholes for the entire night. Miserable fucking game.

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Classy Shoplifting

I stopped by the local bulk department store to pick up a few of my usual bulk items: cereal, waffles, large box of Goldfish, and granola bars. I typically purchase the Kashi granola bars because they are tasty, healthy, and actually made with somewhat real food. The bulk box contains four standard-sized boxes for quite a reasonable price. What a deal! However, I apparently missed a sign somewhere that said Kashi granola bars were free and one could open up the boxes and take a few bars without charge, only if said boxes are placed back on the shelves as if nothing was ever taken. I could have saved $7.50 given I found that sign. All of the freeloaders walking around taking free samples, eating cheap hot dogs, and putting their dirty mitts on the electronic merchandise probably thought I was such a sucker. In the end, the joke was certainly on me. When I came home and was unloading groceries I realized that the box of granola bars felt lighter than normal. On closer inspection I realized that the box had been opened. On even closer inspection I realized that some of the smaller boxes inside were opened and about half of the granola bars were missing. The classy thief was kind enough to leave two untouched boxes of dark chocolate coconut bars, which in my opinion are the best choice of the Kashi TLC granola bar product line.* In the end, I was not going to lose sleep over twelve granola bars, even though those sweet, tasty, and oh-so-satisfying-halfway-through-the-work-day concoctions of heaven would have been really nice to end up in my not-a-low-life-cheapskate-piece-of-trash hands instead of some jerk's who is probably ripping off more stores as we speak. Next time I will pay more attention to what I take off the shelves.

*I don't work for Kashi.

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Frosty Uppercut

The holidays are a great time to get together with old friends.  We suggest a bar gathering that still seems to be going strong at 3am.  At this point it is wise to move the party back home so everyone can partake in holiday decorations and cheer:


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Classy Craft Hour

Nothing like a little public education to make our children the well-rounded members of society that we need them to become. But, in addition to academics, social skills and art skills must also be taught.

In the spirit of the holiday season, snowmen made out of gingerbread are the perfect project for the 5-year-old in your life. The ingredients are simple enough. The engineering & physical construction of snowmen is basic enough for any child. What could possibly go wrong?

I would like to say that I am proud to mention that the one standing on end was constructed by Grundle Jr.



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Classy Lee vs. Grill Round 2

You will notice this video took place in the summer but hasn't been posted because Danger was on a bit of a hiatus.  He is back and classier than ever!   Classy Lee vs Grill Round 1 can be found here:

The Grill and Classy Lee had unfinished business though:


Editor's note from The Itis: He nearly broke one of my kitchen utensils.

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Classy Lee Cooking

It isn't too often you can see a master practicing his craft.  Here you will see Classy Lee outside cooking up a storm on a hot day with a cold Schlitz.  There is not much action in this video, but sometimes one needs to take a break from being classy.  This is Classy Lee off the clock:


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Got Class?

There is nothing like a road trip on a Summer's day. When the sun is shining, you are with your friends, and you have a great destination in mind to spend your weekend, nothing beats it.

Now, Summer in Michigan is a cruel bitch. It is always wet and when it heats up above 80, it is downright miserable to be alive. Especially if you are Classy enough to sport a hooptie sans AC. This is in fact a recipe for severe sweating and dehydration. Probably best to get something to drink for the long ride. An intelligent person would get a water or sports drink. But the Classy person goes right for flavor. Nothing like an ice cold chocolate milk, eh?

Wow. A pint is $1.00? Kinda high, I would say. Oh look, the half gallon is only $1.59. I reckon we have a winner.

As you continue on your journey, you enjoy the creamy chocolaty goodness that you recently procured. It is after about 2 pints that you realize that (A) chocolate milk is rich. (B) You are getting full. (C) You have no cooler to keep your milk cold on your 3 hour journey. (D) You are frugal and refuse to let this bounty perish. it is then that you do the only thing you can think of. You proceed to drink the entire half gallon over a period of 40 minutes.

It is at this point that you realize (A) you are sick. (B) The human stomach was not designed to hold a half gallon of rich chocolaty goodness. (C) You are an idiot. (D) You are nauseated. (E) You are Classy.

As you are driving your options are quite limited. We here at Classy Lee recommend the following steps:

1. Whine like a bitch to your girlfriend.

2. Complain constantly about the nausea.

3. Refuse to pull the car over to vomit as the only thing worse than nausea is actually vomiting.

4. Whine like a bitch.

With a little time and luck, you will manage to successfully digest and burp off the chocolate H-bomb that you ingested only minutes before. It is at this time that you realize that you did not waste any of that $1.59 and have crossed the bridge to true Classiness. Kudos, you cheap bastard.

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