Classy Lee How to be classy and stay classy

31Jul/09Off

The Classy Garage

The greatest thing about renting most houses is having access to a garage. You know you are making it big when you can get a two car garage. That's right, a two car garage just for yourself. Roommates have cars you say? Screw 'em, you work your four hours a day to deserve to park your 1991 Chevy Van without any other vehicles nearby to lower the class of your ride.

So what do you use the rest of the garage for? Classy Lee has some ideas. See his list below:

1.) Junk

classy_garage

There you go. Junk. Just leave junk all over the garage. In the photo above, you can take note of the roommate's bike trapped by junk. This ensures your dominance over the garage. Classy Lee decided to put the most random assortment of belongings in his garage, such as: a fake plant, boxes (for filler), mop, credit card, grocery bags full of junk, and let's not forget ... the bucket of transmission fluid.

bucket

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30Jul/09Off

Classy advice from a lady

Making sure your drink matches your outfit is not only very stylish and practical, but it is also ever so classy. Order your drink by color instead of by its name to put a fun twist on the night. You never know what the bar tender will fix for you, so the night will be full of surprises. If for some reason you have to "see" your drink again that night, no one will ever notice since it will match your shirt.

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29Jul/09Off

Classmaster GT

If Gallup were to poll a random sample to determine what the classiest vehicle of them all would be, it would be a 1991 Chevy Van. Chevy knew that the van was so classy that they did not even give it a proper name. They just called it the Chevy Van. It came in two colors: brown, and less-brown. Classy Lee happens to own a less-brown Chevy Van.

Behold, the Classmaster GT.

classy_van

The van includes a leaky transmission pan, thanks to an off-brand gasket and over-torqued bolts. Steel plates surround the body panels to mask and prevent further rust damage. Spots of primer and Bondo touch up areas of the body to streamline it and improve aerodynamics. The windows are blacked out so nobody can see all the classiness inside. There's nothing like cruising down the interstate at 55 MPH and getting 8 MPG in this babe magnet. The Classmaster GT has single-handedly pissed off an entire neighborhood as it sat in the driveway for a few weeks while it was being serviced.

This van will go down in history with some of the other great mechanical masterpieces of our time: Porsche's 917, Pontiac's GTO, and Ford's GT will all stand in jealousy next to the 1991 Classmaster GT.

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28Jul/09Off

Classy conversation with the waitress

Every now and again, you end up at the bar with a friend who's name is the same as yours. This can prove to be a great opportunity to strike up some classy conversation. For example, when paying the bill the waitress notices that both of your names are say James, she might say, "Wow, I'm in-between a couple of James'." You could then follow that up with a classy statement such as, "Yea, how does it feel to be 'tag-teamed' tonight by a couple James'?"

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27Jul/09Off

Classy ways to thank the chef

So your at a dinner party, BBQ, or any social gathering and the meal that has been prepared for you is nothing less than the best thing you have ever had. What is the best way to tell the chef or cook that you thought the meal was fabulous? While you could say, "Wow, that was the best meal I've ever had," or something similar, I had a better idea.

Walk up to the chef, look him or her straight in the eye and say, "That was really great. I can't wait to shit this out!" Not only will you have raised the bar of classiness, you will also turn some heads of those around you.

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26Jul/09Off

Classy bar conversation

Classy Lee and Danger decided to head to the bar for the evening.  This is always a classy event and below is an excerpt from a conversation about never getting sick:

Classy Lee: "I am invincible, I am like Wolverine."

Danger: "Yea, if Wolverine had STD's."

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25Jul/09Off

Class up a work function

No matter where one is, it is of utmost importance to stay classy.  Below is an exert from a classy conversation that took place during a work function.  To set the scene, Danger is in an empty theatre with several beer taps at the concession stand:

Danger: "Why aren't they serving beer for this thing?"

Joe: "Dude, its 9am!"

Danger: "Ehh, those are just logistics."

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24Jul/09Off

Class up gas station safety

Here's a quick tip on how to stay classy at the gas station. Drive your busted-ass truck in to the station and park in such a way to block traffic that comes through. Flick a lit cigarette from your window in the general direction of the gas pumps. Walk in to the gas station store to buy whatever people with busted-ass trucks and reckless endangerment behavior buy (probably cheap cigarettes and pork rinds) with complete disregard for those around you.

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23Jul/09Off

Classy way to say no to having kids

At some point in any relationship where you may be married, engaged, or even dating, there will be the occasional pressure from either person's parents to have kids, so they can say they have grand kids. While this may be great idea for them, there are those of us who have a touch of class and will have a different opinion on the subject.

When being hammered on the subject by either, it's always best and classy to say (from a male perspective in this case) "I'd rather tie my dick in a knot to make sure that this doesn't happen"

Not only will you have made your point, you may even be able to ensure your self a week to a month of not having to talk to the party or parties that brought this up in the first place.

21Jul/09Off

Classy observation

"Five long island ice teas ... that's how babies are made!!"
-Drunky Sue

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